New Year’s Resolutions

I never bother.

The problem is, I never really got the idea of New Year’s resolutions. Why should January 1st (the start of the most miserable, cold, damp month of the year), bring about a miracle transformation in your personal motivation to achieve x? You failed to stop / start / do more of / do less of whatever you’re thinking about for 364 days last year, so why should now be a good time?

Take the whole dieting thing for example. A great number of people eat a large quantity of food over the festive period, then get to the start of January and go on a health-kick. Join a gym! Eat lettuce more often daily. Eat pizza less often never. IT’S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!

Why don’t we all start making spring-time resolutions? After all, the start of spring is the beginning of the seasons. People go round and do “spring cleaning” of their houses. Things feel fresher. The days are warmer and longer. Easter is just round the corner and with it, a well-deserved break from work. Even Easter eggs eggsist (sorry!) because they symbolise new life. That’s the best time to get into doing something new, not at a time when you want to live curled up on the sofa comfort-eating chocolates and drinking tea because you’re broke from December’s credit-card bill.

Most irritating of all new-year silliness, though, is the launch of the magazines which promote new hobbies. My personal dislike at the minute is your once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to build an 0-gauge model of the Flying Scotsman. Read the small print on the advert and website to discover the model takes 125 (weekly) issues to complete. So that’s going to be well into the middle of 2010 before it’s finished. Now I don’t know about you, but I don’t have anywhere convenient in the house that I can get at often that could hold a partially-assembled model safely for two and a half years.

It also costs (and here’s the biggie) £4.99 per issue (first one costs 50p, issue 2 at £2.99). If you subscribe, you also sign up to receiving binders “as they become due”. My guess that’s every 25 issues, making a total of 5 binders needed: another 25 quid. The basic cost doesn’t even include a motor, track or controller, tools, glue, or paint, but adding it up on subscriptions and binders alone works out at £642.21.

But! What happens when people get to their summer holidays and realise that all they’ve got to show for it so far is ten crappy bits of badly-moulded plastic put together clumsily by their fat fingers? (the diet and gym will have stopped by now too) They cancel the subscriptions and the magazine becomes unprofitable to run. The magazine is ceased by the publishers, who offer you the remaining parts at a cost. You’re then offered the choice of buying said parts and ending up with the equivalent of an Airfix kit with no instructions (remember this was designed to run alongside a magazine?), or you write-off the past 6 months worth of time and money (about £130) and bin your partial model.

If you’re making resolutions this year, make this one: I promise never to make any more resolutions.