I Keep Wetting Myself at Work

I mentioned a couple of weeks ago of the move to my new office and social death which was scrabbling around on hands and knees.

Since moving over there, I’ve discovered something which is even worse than my previous introduction to the people on the top floor of A-block. In the gents’ toilets is obviously some taps and hand-basins to wash your hands afterwards. The taps are laid out in such a way that the handles protrude horizontally from the backboard, with a common hot and cold pipe leading out. Now for some unknown reason, the hot taps are left-hand threaded.

I still haven’t got used to this yet – when switched off, there’s only one way to turn the tap, so there’s not much to go wrong there. But once you wish to stop the water, then turning the tap the wrong way (which is really the right way, if you get my drift) suddenly produces a huge gush of water. This usually splashes everywhere, including down the front of my trousers. This has happened several times already, and walking out of the gents’ with light-coloured trousers splashed in the crotch area is not the best idea.

While we’re on the subject of stupid designs, my last wrist watch had one fundamental flaw with it. There were little glow-in-the-dark dots painted at each of the 1, 2, 3, … locations around the face. Unfortunately, no-one had thought to bother painting dots on the hands. If you think about it, one without the other is slightly pointless. Surely you would hope that at some point in the design process, someone would point out that tiny fact. Apparently, at no point in the design phase (or even with the prototype) did anyone think to look at the watch in the dark.

And it doesn’t stop there. We have a toaster with the world’s strangest spring. Put one slice of bread into the toaster and it can launch the completed toast clear of the slot and onto the bench (this has happened more than once). But put two slices into the toaster and almost every time you are left digging around the innards with a knife. How can this happen? Toasters are not new technology. They are very simple and mass-produced on an Argos scale in Chinese factories for pennies. So how come the person designing the toaster can’t be arsed to put the correct spring in there?

Keeping this blog slightly topical – what about the people who design the cans for spray-on de-icer? If you are using de-icer, you can probably assume that it is slightly cold outside. Around about freezing perhaps. So why, oh why, do they design the caps such that frozen hands cannot pull them off without first ensuring you get frostbite in at least 3 fingers? Yet there’s my wife’s body lotions in the shower whose caps fall off if bubbles drop near them.

The wonder of the modern world – the technology exists, just not in the right places.