Beaten By a Baby

Lucy is now at the age where she’s off and crawling herself, padding noisily around the house and climbing up on everything she can get her hands on. It’s great fun to just watch her.

She’s also at the age, though, where she can enjoy “rough” play: i.e. when Daddy is rolling her around on the floor or the furniture, but she’s actually in no danger of any injury. Stuff like:

  1. “Throwing” her onto the sofa: I pick her up and hold her tightly with her back to the sofa and then shouting “boof” as I bump her into the cushions.
  2. Rolling her over from her front to lying on her back: that’s dead easy to do, just make sure her head doesn’t flop about and she’s happy. Bonus points if you follow that up immediately by “chomping” loudly on her tummy. It’s too hard to do flip from back to front though, because there’s a chance her arms get twisted up.
  3. Rolling onto the furniture: again, dead easy. She likes to stand holding onto the sofa with both arms holding onto the seat part for support. Kneel behind and to her left, with my left arm across her front, holding on to her right shoulder. Right hand under her bum and 1…. 2….. 3…. lift! Pick her up and as you do that, roll her right shoulder onto the sofa. Loves it.

But the joy of watching this ability to clamber around also comes a price: Lucy may not get hurt in all of this, but Daddy can.

One of her favourite things to do is crawl over to Daddy and try to stand up. Now the only thing handy to use as a support is Daddy himself, and if Daddy has shorts on, that means Lucy pulls herself upright using my leg-hairs for stability.

Other times when I’ve “taken one for the team”, Burnett-style include:

  1. Thumbs and/or fingers in the eyes (several times).
  2. With me on my back and Lucy lying on top of me, she’s held open my mouth at the sides with her thumbs (which hurts) and (unintentionally) dribbled directly into my mouth. That’s horrible because you can see it coming, but can’t do anything about it.
  3. See (2), but replace the word “dribbled” with the words “been sick”.
  4. Several solid kicks in the crown jewels. As she develops her leg muscles through walking, these become rapidly more painful.
  5. A couple of solid head-butts to the nose.
  6. Again, with Daddy lying on the floor Lucy was behind my head and decided to stand up, pulling herself upright with whatever convenient hand-hold was near. That’s my nostrils then: at the time I thought that hurt a lot…
  7. … until she did it again a couple of weeks later, but this time also managed to scratch the inside of my nose with a fingernail – enough to cause a nosebleed. Now that one hurt.

Good grief, being a Dad is fun.