The Audi Channel

You may be aware of “The Audi Channel”, broadcasting on one of the Sky channels up in the high 800’s.

I was flicking through the TV guide the other day and spotted a programme called “Model Hour: A8”. The synopsis looked good too: “An in-depth look at the Audi A8”, so I decided to record it. Obviously it wasn’t going to be a reasonable, balanced, review of Audi’s flagship model, but I thought an hour admiring some of the tech on a £50k+ Jaguar XJ rival would be time well spent.

How wrong I was.

The first five minutes started quite promisingly, offering a teasing glimpse at some of the various features. The car was being driven round Cambridgeshire by some wet bloke cooing over “the sleek but masculine lines”. As expected it was all puffed-up Audi-speak, with the bloke stating “Some cars evoke strange hand gestures from other road users, but in an Audi A8 people treat you with respect…”. Oh yeah? Even when you’re doing 90mph down the M40 just inches from someone’s bumper?

You could forgive that stuff really – after all it is basically a moving picture version of the Audi catalogue. But then things got really odd. Until about 30 minutes in, all that happened was a bunch of no-name presenters drove other C-list celebrities round London in the car, talking about not much in particular. I say “until”, because after that point I just switched it off. Not even Sky+ at 30x could cure me of this ill. They had Matt Dawson (some rugby bod) in the car, talking about his A4 cabriolet and getting quite anal about the subtle difference between his leather and the one on the show car. There was also someone else, whose name escapes me, but presumably they were part of the Audi fan club too.

Audi channel – don’t bother, just read the brochure out loud to yourself and watch something less boring instead.