Unnecessary Superfluous Adjectives

Marketing material is littered with adjectives where normal people wouldn’t bother; all in the name of making something sound better than it actually is. A great example is the Domino’s Pizza flyer which dropped through our door this morning.

The front cover was advertising their “American Hot” special: a (probably great) combination of Jalapeno peppers, pepperoni, onion, and mozzarella. But of course it isn’t described as such. Instead the ingredients are listed as following:

  • Spicy Jalapenos – isn’t the point of Jalapeno’s the fact that they’re spicy?
  • Juicy pepperoni – no matter what planet you’re from, pepperoni isn’t juicy: a spicy disc of 50% fat with loads of salt will never be “juicy”
  • Onions – the only ingredient without an adjective: I guess it’s better saying nothing than describing it as “volume-adding onions” though
  • Mouthwatering mozzarella – this is the biggest lie of them all. Mozzarella is pretty much bottom of the pecking order when it comes to cheese quality. It works as a pizza topping, but I would never describe it as “mouthwatering” (have you ever tried a basic cheese and tomato pizza?)

Products With Good Names

I guess marketing types love dreaming up names for products: get it right and your work will become the de facto standard for that particular class of goods. For example, see Hoover. There’s also a bunch of products out there which (a bit like the Ronseal adverts claim) just do exactly what it says on the tin. For example, Brasso cleans brass.

Normally, medical products have convoluted names based vaguely on a more complicated drug name, but I’ve just discovered a brilliant one courtesy of the fairly tragic story of a whale which ended up beached on the Hampshire coast recently.

It was put to sleep to avoid prolonging suffering, with what the scientists described as:

the whale was administered with a fast-acting fatal strength anaesthetic, called Immobilon.

Now if a drug can kill an eight metre-long whale I think it fairly deserves the title Immobilon.