It’s Slippery Out There You Know

Switching on the TV today to check footy scores meant I landed on the “World Figure-Skating Championships”, broadcast by the BBC and a rapidly-ageing Sue Barker.

While I was still looking in a stunned fashion at Teletext announcing the Sunderland 3 Spurs 1 result, our friend Sue introduced some dancing by a pair whose names I can’t remember, pronounce, or spell. The commentary over the brief highlights of synchronised slippage went something like this:

And next we had blah blah and blah blah of Russia who last year blah, blah, blah, blah in all competitions. This time they failed to manage the chuck* again and that slip cost them points.

* Note “the chuck” probably isn’t the technical term, but it’s the bit where the bloke throws the woman in the air and she lands gracefully. This time, the woman didn’t exactly land gracefully. She fell on her arse and slithered across the ice, before jumping up because it was too cold through her sparkly lycra. The commentary continued:

As a result, they ended up with the bronze medal.

Regardless of the proper name, how can you fall over and yet still come third? Or put it another way: 22 other couples were placed below them in the final ranking – how bad must they have been?

One of the other strange things which I noticed was that when the woman fell over, the crowd still gave a round of applause. Maybe another sign of the dross which had proceeded it.

Not for me.